Jesse Part 5: Meet the Parents

This is going to be quick because I have a final to cram for, but...last night was Meet the Parents (in which we learn Trish was in fact a product of two humans) evening on the Bachelor.

Jesse went to the home towns of Jessica B, Mandy Jaye, Tara, and Trishalicious to "get to know the girls" better and meet their families.

First date was with Jessica B, somewhere with a beach (I wasn't paying attention). You know how dog owners look like their pets? Well, Jessica's a cute little perky blonde, and her dog is a cute little perky terrier. Both she and pet ran to meet Jesse on the beach beside the rolling waves, where pet destroyed Jesse's "surprise" that he was bringing Jessica roses. Gee, who would have thought he'd bring roses on a show like the Bachelor? Anyway, Jesse also brought a treat for pet, which Jessica thought was just "so sweet." I couldn't tell if it was a flower or a poisoned twinky. We didn't see pet for the rest of the episode.

Jessica's mom took Jesse to school, and asked Jessica all sorts of pointed questions like "what are you going to do about law school?" (she's 21 but already half way through school). Jessica told her mom that she was going to quit and dance at the local strip club (probably a trick she picked up from Trish), but her mom didn't think that was so funny. The rest of the date was uneventful. Jessica is young, but seems to have good judgment (other than owning that pet, and other than sticking around for a dipshit like Jesse).

Second date was with Mandy Jaye. Oh dear lord. We began the date with a close up of Mandy Jaye in a Kathy R (that's for the folks I went to high school with) pink rainjacket, crying into her cell phone in front of the country club. After the conversation, she had a second tearful Real World close up with the camera, in which she revealed that she comes from a divorced home and that she was hoping her father would be able to make it today to meet Jesse, but that he had made excuses.

Then Jesse arrives at the club, and they sit down in these really uncomfortable white wicker chairs (pink rainjacket has been shed to reveal white pants, blue v-neck sweater and crisp white shirt underneath with giant cuffs, each with pink flowers matching the pink watch she is wearing. The Kathy R-ness continues). She has a third episode of crying about her father. Jesse pats her hand and says later that it was "really great that Mandy Jaye had a moment of emotion with me. That was special."

Dinner with MJ's family (mom, stepdad, two brothers that look like those kids on weird science) is hilarious. First thing MJ does is show Jesse her mom's "pageant room," that holds all of MJ's pictures, awards, ribbons, and so forth. This completely freaks Jesse out, especially when he can't even figure out which girl in the picture is his intended (no silly, I'm the one in the green dress). For supper, they sit down to eat fried chicken (NOT a date food), and talk about pageants. Then the stepdad pulls him aside for some manly one-on-one time....and they talk about pageants. MJ's stepfather is pageant obsessed.

Third date is with Tara. I think this can be summarized best by the following: "Daddy, I can't believe you brought my gun!" Tara's dad shows up, looking all the world like that country singer that is a redneck jackass, and proceeds to pull an entire arsenal out of his truck. Jesse is vaguely panicked because he's from Canada and has never shot a gun before. But Jesse's dad lines all the guns up, and they proceed to have target practice, but not before he tells Jesse, "Don't ever take a gun out unless you intend to shoot something." chirp.

So Tara goes first, which Jesse describes as "just beautiful, like a Charlie's Angel." Then Jesse shoots and hits his targets on his first try. Tara said later that she was just "so proud of him." Then the dad goes, but he uses his machine gun. He later tells Jesse that "All men are scum." In the out-take after the episode, he asked Tara "Where did you get that dork?" hahahahaha. He said he was kidding, but we all know he isn't.

Fourth date is the one we've all been waiting for: he gets to meet Trish's family. Jesse picks Trish up at her hotel room, and sits down with her to have a talk. He tells her about how the other women didn't like her, and how lazy-eyed ex-contestant breathlessly warned him about Trish when he gave her the axe, and asks why people hate her. She begins to CRY, gentle viewers. She proceeds to take a moment in the hallway, and then comes back to tearfully (but so fake, you can tell) tell him that she has NO IDEA why these girls don't like her. And she proclaims, "This is why I'm not friends with Girls! I've been dealing with this my entire life!!!" hm. She again manages to wrap Jesse back around her finger, so by the end he's kissing her and telling her how great she is. Dinner is a nonevent with Trish's family. The only highlight for me was when she tells the camera that she keeps a lot from her family. Uh, not any more.

Finally, the rose ceremony came around. First, Trish is posed by the fireplace in her black ensemble, sipping a glass of wine as the chatter track plays over the image, "I'm a strong person, I can stand alone.." Then, Trish had a moment of fighting for her man in which she told Jesse that she "adores" him (oh gag gag gag). But in the end, Jessica B, in bubble-gum pink, got the first rose...followed by Tara in a big poofy prom dress....followed by Mandy Jaye in a red flowey gauze thing.

As Jesse walked Trish to the door, the three blondes hugged and said, "at least now he'll get a good girl no matter who he picks."But stay tuned for next week. Trish had no tears in the limo. She got that feral gleam in her eyes and said that what she wants, she GETS. And next week, she's coming back to get Jesse during his overnight date with MJ. Rumor has it, she will attempt to seduce Jesse into staying with her overnight and dumping Mandy.

Yeah, babies.