PLo Part 6: Team Sadie

Bachelor Episode 6 really dings the Ick meter as PLo heads out for his three "Romantic Fantasy Dates" with his three remaining ladies: Jen, Lisa, and Sadie.

In Goteburg, Sweden with Jen, we conclude that We're Not Gonna Take It, in the words of Meatloaf. Or at least, that we can't take anymore of this without jumping into the television a la Austin Powers going back two minutes in time, grabbing Jen, throwing a Cindarella costume on her, and taking her back to the Disney Theme Park from whence she escaped.

As she tinkles and gasps at him, we are not suprised that PLo feels like he's "the only person around" when he's with Jen. On a more practical level, we also note that such feelings are natural, as PLo and Jen appear to be the only people at the amusement park where their date begins. Of course, PLo is concerned that Jen will not open up to him (WHAT?). But Jen treats us, dear viewers, with sterling commentary on the depth of her heart: "Itsjustsogreattoseehimandhe'sSOhandsomeIfeellikeI'mfallingforhim
andIhavetojustlayitout." In the bowels of an ice bar (which, incidentally, is one of this viewer's dreams. That is, to stay in an ice hotel. Not to be in its bowels.), she "lays it out" as promised, eagerly volunteering to move to New York for him. Over dinner, she says she's been in love twice. At age 16 (why, Why WHY) and in college. And now she's ready to get married and have kids because of those experiences.

The date ends at the Fantasy Suite, also apparently called "Thorskoggs Slot." I'm just going to let that one sink in. She says "ooo! strawberries!" when presented with this Not-A-Date-Food, and the camera fades out in while they are in the hot-tub, following her excited commentary that PLo was "wearing a bathing suit!"

We wonder if Jen's dad has a tranquilizer gun in his collection.

Date #2 is in Budapest with Lisa. We glean two things from this date: 1) She is a homeowner. This fact is particularly difficult for this viewer to accept, as we came home late from work and had to park in the scary parking lot beside the 1970 wood panel station wagon with "the Club" on the steering wheel, and 2) that she is wearing the Ugliest Dress in Budapest.

Lisa shows up in this day-glo pink and yellow Floral/Coral piece of offensiveness, topped off with a matching pink necklace suspiciously like those glowing concert thingies small children put around their necks. We hate this dress. Almost so much that we miss her commentary that her hometown date went soooo well and now she is ready to fall in love because her parents and dog approve. We make a mental note to ask our stuffed Ewok if we can date our boyfriend. Fortunately, PLo breaks our reverie with a reminder that he was terrified by the bridal ensemble from that date.

So Lisa flashes her dress to clear a path through the wine tasting festival where they are walking, and then they go for dinner. Lisa, surprise surprise, also has been in love twice. Once in college, and once with this guy she hooked up with while dating love #1 and then broke up with three weeks before she applied for the Bachelor. But she then says that she was hoping to find love on the Bachelor, even though former Bachelor Dr. Spork was "hot, but a total tool" and Andy Firestone was "kind of sleazy." PLo asks why she went on a show if she though the previous Bach was a "tool" (good point), for which she has no good reason. She then balks on moving from Portland to New York, so we know she is Toast. And finally, she accepts the Fantasy Suite card and we fade out to them talking awkwardly with all body parts crossed away from each other on some white and red love seat/bed thingy as if pretending to interview each other for Barbara Walters.

Finally, we get to Date #3 with Sadie in Sicily at a day spa. We start to get irritated at ABC that they can't get past the "will the virgin take the Fantasy Suite card" 1 cent question, and we give props to Sadie for presenting herself with style. PLo and Sadie go scuba diving in the pool, and then have a couples massage. After a moment to collect herself and a promise from PLo that he just wants to talk to her off-camera, Sadie agrees to go to the fantasy suite. The last thing we see is them walking down this weirdly-lit path (which would completely screw with one if one was tipsy) to sit in front of a fire. We see so little of this date that we are hopeful PLo picks her in the end.

And soon, it is time for the Rose Ceremony, a/k/a the Oreo show. Lisa has struck out again with dress #2, a white shapeless hangy thing with a drawstring around the biggest part of the hips, sandwiched between the blackly-clad Jen and Sadie. Not surprisingly, she gets the axe. But PLo doesn't let her go Quietly Into the Night. Oh no, he has to be a jackass and tell her she is stunning, gorgeous, but he HAS TO TELL HER WHY HE DUMPED HER. Of course, they then exchange harsh words about her Plan for Marriage and have some random awkward tiff about her statement that she came on the Bachelor to have fun. Oh, we want to die of shame and consequently watch Lisa drive off through the holes in our afghan.

Stay tuned for next week, when the Women Tell All. We hear it is the Return of Le 'Ca.

K