PLo Part 3: I'll Be Back, my Pretties

The Bachelor Episode 3 begins in some confusion, as we spy some sort of pink stucco house that the women are living in and wonder if this is not in fact "The Bachelor: Rome" but really "The Bachelor: Florida." We were under the impression that they lived in the castle, but apparently not so.

Rena Infantino shows up to teach the women an aria in Italian. Ooo oo, the women must perform this in front of Rena (who we secretly think should have been a dialysis nurse and not an opera singer with that name) and the best one gets a private date with PLo!!! We are totally excited until we find ourselves in Act Three of the Miracle Worker: WA. Wa. WA- Tah. Nobody can sing. Not even a little bit. But in the end, Rena issues her only spoken edict: "A few of des girls are impressive, but I choose Jami." WHOOT. We love Jami.

So Jami gets the only one on one date, to the opera with PLo. Before they go, he gives her this giant 2M collar of jewels to wear, which include some sort of pink stone. Just say no to the pink, Jami. But she doesn't, and he, she, and the Jared Jewely A-team head off in his Italian sports car. **Flash to Erica in a tiara: "There's no way that Jami is getting a rose." (read: On the witching hour, this pretty is MINE." eeeheeeee heee). *** PLo says "words can't describe" driving with J as she's wearing 2M in jewels. Sweet PLo, that's why I'm here.

The opera is.... well, Jami is just a small town girl from TX, so these things don't happen to her. Unfortunately, the singing does happen again as she treats PLo to her aria (Wa Ta). PLo says this is the best he's ever heard so now we know she's going home at the end of the date. And sure enough, she gets the boot after a guy named Vittorio pops out from the curtain and causes this viewer to choke on her ice cream sandwich (which we did not eat after going to the gym, no we did not). He may be famous, but he sings as if sucking lemons and reminds this viewer forcibly of a telenovela character. But as he is singing, PLo realizes that dancing with Jami is like dancing with his sister, which he TELLS HER (dumbass) . He then declines to give her the rose and lets her drive off, without the jewels and without the rose, in a station wagon. Downgrade. We are sad for Jami, as we loved her.

But we move on to the Group Date in Tuscany with Gina, Jeannette, Lisa, Sadie, Jennifer, and Desiree. When we learn this date location, we are momentarily lost in reverie about a romance we once read in which the hero was an italian master of disguises with a home in Tuscany and the lady was a control freak. ANYWAY, the big news here is that Gina speaks for the first time. We had completely forgotten all about her, figuring her to be a mute who just made wild face girations during the rose ceremony. Apparentely not. She says she wants to stick around.

So we have a wine tasting, where we discover that we might like Jeanette because she doesn't wear too much makeup and actually makes sense when she talks. Lisa informs the world that the date doesn't feel romantic because she's there with 5 other women and it's not like her 1:1 dates with PLo. Desiree wants to stab her in the eyes. Sadie tells PLo she's saving herself for marriage and PLo looks nervous and does that classic, "Oh, that's cool man. Thanks for showing me your values." They all go swimming. Then Lisa gets a Kiss in her 1:1 time, which is really good for her "timeline" because it keeps things on track. Then in truth or dare, PLo averts the question "who have you kissed" by saying he's kissed everyone . . . on the cheek. Lisa thinks that he's Protecting Her, and we think she is ridiculous and More Than A Little Freakity.

And then it hits us quite forcibly: SweetMaryonButteredToast, Jennifer the teacher is a twit. PLo asks her about teaching, and she giggles and says, "Ready. Okay!" (ok maybe not really, but it might as well have been a cheer). She "fell into" teaching, and it's really (she starts to cry) a rewarding profession, to see the kids come back the next year and remember you. How do you FALL into teaching at 23? How do you know what it's like to have the kids come back when surely, surely they only came back one year of your short little life? We ponder these questions.

Thankfully, Jeanette gets the rose on this date.

Finally, and because this Update is far too long already, we have the last date with Anajeseblahblah and Le 'Ca. We hate Erica for saying that A is the least attractive woman in the house, as we are pretty sure that one who reminds us forcibly of Miss Piggy has no room to talk. In any event, this date is at the Castle, where PLo lives. Anajeseblahblah pretty much has this date in her pocket because all she has to do is be normal. Sadly, this proves too much for Le 'Ca.

Le 'Ca already has done the things on this little trip to Rome. She's been here before. She's ridden in a helicopter before. She's seen the sights before. In her mind, Anajeseblahblah is the bottom rung. Sadie, as a virgin, is a "little more rare" and therefore a notch above A. Jeanette might be one or two notches above Sadie. But Le 'Ca, you see, is 100s of notches above them. But we don't have time to determine of whose bedpost she speaks, as PLo says that she's got a split personality and kicks her off. And she goes APE. She thought he would understand her because they both come from a certain background, and so she thought he wouldn't judge. Every guy she's ever met has judged her because she's pretty, smart, and comes from a privileged background. PLo tells her that's the point and shuts the door.

Ding dong, the witch is dead. She sips her brew in the limo (why does she get a limo but Jami got a subaru?) and ponders the "disgusting little fairy tale; the poor girl meats the rich guy and they live happily ever after"

And last, the Rose Ceremony. In addition to Jeanette and Anajaseblahblah, he picks
1. "Cute little Sadie."
2. Lisa (noooooo!)
****Gina bites her lip
3. Jennifer (dammit)
***Gina rolls one eyeball to the side, bites her lip
4. Desiree ("this means so much, baby!)
**** Gina stomps her foot and looks away.

Gina is totally devastated. She would have given him everything.

Stay tuned for next week, when Suspicions Rise over Lisa, who "knows too much about the show, and how things work" and Le 'Ca returns to mix things up.

KLo