Fifty Shades Darker Part The Men Tell All.

If we had known that we were returning from Iceland to watch The Men Tell All, we would have canceled our returning flight.  We hate this episode, even with wines. 

We watch various cringe-worthy moments from previous seasons of Men Telling All, while ABe gets straight to the point:

ABe:  “The real question is whether this audience is more diverse than for other episodes.”

That would be NOPE.

So we meet people that we completely forgot about.  Some person named Jamie, and Diggy, the Boob, Fred, DeMario, the Russian, The Tickler, Racist Lee, Jack the Lawyer, some people we left out because we were drinking wine, Steve Urkel, Matt the Penguin, Kenny, Adam of the Dolls, and Dean Go Black/Not Back.

ABe:  “I hate all of them except Diggy and Frozone.”

We blow a kiss to Frozone, who was Let Go From This Show Too Soon.

Babies, we lift our fingers off the keyboard for much of this episode, as we go through the history of turmoil in the house and are forced to relive the worst moments of this bad show that should be consigned to history.   The Boob is still trying to make Wha-Boom relevant, Racist Lee still has too much screen time, and at one point, DeMario explains that the lady friend who confronted him wasn’t a girlfriend but instead a “side chick” that should not be a big deal.

Some guy:  “Turn his mike off.”
Dean GB/NB:  “Dude, help yourself out.”

Soon, Adam of the Dolls is launching into a big mansplanation of how Rachel feels. 

ABe, for All of Us: “This is exactly what we need more of in the world.  White men mansplaining black women’s experiences.”

But it gets worse because the next 30 minutes are spent on the Kenny/Lee trauma, and also, the racism of Lee.

KMu:  “Kenny, take your daughter and the high rode, and just be done with this chapter.”
KMu again:  “I feel better about this choice.”

That’s right, babies.  We have done the unthinkable because this episode Calls for The Big Guns:  We have switched our choice of alcohols this evening, selecting a prosecco over a peachy sangria because maybe the bubbles will wash away everyone’s sins.

So, Kenny and his daughter (who shows up for a segment and whom we love) are going to Disney World as a gift for his birthday.  But not before we see Kenny get kicked off the island in a rewind.

KMu:  “That awkward moment when your 10 year old is stronger than you are.”
ABe:  “Are we in hell right now?  What is happening?

Next, Racist Lee comes out and does that thing people do to de-legitimize the feelings of the people they disenfranchise.  To whit:

Man to woman he’s harassing:  “I’m just playin.’”
Man to woman he’s discriminating against:  “Don’t take it so personal; you’re so emotional.”
Racist Lee to Kenny:  “I was just being facetious and making jokes when I said all those things.”

Really?  REALLY RACIST LEE?

Diggy, for All of Us:  “Just in case anyone forgot, Rachel chose this guy over me.”

Now we are looking at racist and also sexist tweets from Racist Lee over time.  We will not repeat them.

KMu:  “The audience, which is like 99% women and 1 % gay men, are like, ‘burn him, BURN HIM!’”

The Special Prosecutor and Kenny and Diggy and Frozone say some pointed and necessary things, including but not limited to some stellar comments from Frozone about implicit bias and as grateful as we are to these men, we feel tired and sad that they have to do this.  That they have to explain, and educate, and be able to articulate to this audience why Racist Lee’s comments are more than just “jokes.”   

In response, Racist Lee tries to separate himself from his brain and fingers:  “I don’t like racism at all.  When I looked at those tweets and how those [texts] came out, it hurt me.” 

DUDE YOU WROTE THEM.

After about 15 minutes of pressure from the other men, Racist Lee says he denounces racism and “wants to learn” and that he is “sorry for saying things.”

 We wash off the dirt that is Racist Lee by plunging into an only marginally less horrifying segment with Dean GB/NB.  He is apparently going to Bachelor in Paradise this summer.  We hate ABC for that.

And then Rachel comes out.  WHOM WE LOVE ALL OF US.  Except we don’t like her dress.

KMu: “Her dress looks like a birthday card. I feel like it’s one of those cards that says “For mother” and has plastic on the front.”

RLind is basically grace and awesomeness to everyone, and also tells Racist Lee that she hopes he reflects and realizes that he had an opportunity to be part of something special, being surrounded by all of these top rate men.  And if he doesn’t realize that, then she is happy to take him backstage and give him a lesson in black history and women’s history.

As for Matt the Penguin, she says of his limited screen time:  “America did not get to see how awesome you were, and I hope the next person does.”

Well babies, next week is apparently the finale, showing that . . . um . . . all things end.

Love, KLo