Other Becca Part 6: The End of DC Mike

Dear babies, we have reached the part of the Bachelorette where even ABC has stopped pretending this season is not a dead bore.  Other Becca tries to save it by giving an advertisement for the tourism bureau:  “Richmond Virginia is a complete opposite vibe from Vegas!  Fresh clean air!  Calm, chill!  I love historical towns, the mixing of the old and new!”  Seriously?  Also, “I still have some wild cards *cough*unstableandcrazymen*cough* in the group!”

And then it gets worse:

Other Becca:  “I am starting to feel the feelings of love again.”
Chris Harrison:  “Like, you are really thinking about love!?!?”
Other Becca:  “I am totally looking at wedding magazines and thinking about babies!”

Meanwhile, back at Man Camp:

Kenny G: “Just like Virginia birthed the nation, I hope that this city births a lasting relationship with Becca.”
This Author:  HAHAHHA
DC Mike; “This is redemption week for me and Becca.  I’m hoping to get a 1:1 OR a 2:1 date.”
Kenny G: “Dude, you would rather have a 2:1 than a group date??”
Lincoln:  “But you should just be trying to make the best of your time, regardless of how it comes.”
DC Mike:  “Yeah, but I am saying I WANT a 1:1 or a 2:1.”
Lincoln:  “Something something whine whine DC Mike lost 100 pounds something whine.”
DC Mike:  “You just body shamed me! Something something whine whine.”
Garrett:  “This is like Dumb and Dumber, but I don’t know which is which.”

Meanwhile, Wills, for ALL OF US, is like:

Thank god the date card comes and it is for Jason:  “Life is full of surprises.”  Jason just gets up and leaves.  We love him. TEAM JASON.

But the Jason date is odd because of the way ABC films it, almost as if they want to cut all of the good bits out and THIS MAKES US CURIOUS.  Instead, we are treated to the part of the date where Other Becca takes Jason on a trolley ride around Richmond and lectures:  “This is where Henry gave his give me liberty or give me death speech.”  Also: “Here is where Edgar Allen Poe’s mother is buried.”

We know that they next go to make donuts together, but see exactly 2 seconds of that, followed by a visit to the Poe Museum, where they stumble into and cannot avoid an awkward “Unhappy Hour,” for people who “tend towards the dark side of life.”  This has to be made up.   Yet somehow, Jason in his hipster jeans makes it work:  He dances with the goth lady, does the splits, and participates in a toast (“May you be unhappy, evermore.”).   We appreciate him evermore.  

 The best part of this date, however, is that Other Becca surprises Jason with his friends, he is delighted to see them, and they also seem super nice.  Lo, Other Becca says Jason’s friends remind her of her friends! 

And then finally, off to dinner in an airport hanger or Some Other Large Building.  Jason reveals seeing a Love in Action, in the form of his father’s care for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s even at the point that his grandma does not recognize her own son.   Other Becca talks about losing her dad when she was 19, caring for him at the end, and watching him take his last breath.  These are sacred human moments for All of Us and we get teary.    Jason gets the rose.

And basically, we just saw the high point of this entire episode.

The next date is a group date for Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, the Cowboy, Lincoln, and DC Mike.  “Let’s make history!”  After staring moodily over a balcony for the past several hours, DC Mike announces that he feels “very confident” and has some “tricks up his sleeve,” for this date, which this Author personally thinks is not a good way to approach dating.   Neither is this:

DC Mike: “This is Do or Die!! I have been in this place before in my life, with my back against the wall!”

We start to hear the beginning of “I Need a Hero” from the Footloose soundtrack  . . dum dum DA Dum Dum, Da Dum dum DA Dum Dum. . . . .

The deal on this date is that Other Becca takes the group to the Capital, where the group must debate for Other Becca’s hand in “Beccalection 2018.”  This is in front of a massive crowd, including the Governor of Virginia.  We want to die. 

The takeaway here is that none of these men have any snap.   Colton says that a perfect date would be taking Other Becca to the dog park to “grow our relationship.”  The Cowboy says he’s learned from past relationships to be “open and vulnerable.”  Connor says he has excellent hair.  Garrett says that women (“ladies”) are always right.   Wills says he never felt this way before. 

Lincoln, on the other hand, says: Not once, has it crossed my mind to pack my bags and go home, like DC Mike.”    And that starts DC Mike going:
DC Mike:  “For me personally, I have been nothing but real up to this point, but I can’t say the same for all my opponents here today.  This woman’s heart has been played with before and should not be before.”
Lincoln:  “I’m not sure if I’m one of the people he’s referring to but . . .”
DC Mike (INTO a mike, OMG):  “Actually you are one of them.  There is a nasty side of Lincoln that is very malicious and aggressive.  If she saw the man who you are when not around her, she would be disgusted.” 

The crowd looks incredibly uncomfortable, the Governor of Virginia is like “what did I just sign up to do on TV,” Other Becca looks ready to cry with embarrassment, and the Cowboy, god bless him, keeps trying to jump in and end this or move everyone forward (yet failing).

Other Becca is OVER. IT.

But Lincoln and DC Mike have lost their damn minds and continue sniping at each other through the drinks portion of the date as well.   Lincoln makes a bunch of crap up about DC Mike being a danger to Other Becca.  Meanwhile, DC Mike hopes Other Becca “felt his passion” today because he apparently thinks making a woman know you are crazy about here literally involves BEING crazy, talks about “fighting these battles,” and then freaks out when  he learns what Lincoln said from Other Becca.  And the other men finally snap.

Garrett is the first.  After Other Becca says that she needs 5 minutes to herself instead of 1:1 time with him, Garrett is in No Mood:  “I don’t know what you say to her but she is in such a bad head state that I couldn’t even talk to her.  Whatever it is, you need to get over it and move on because it’s impacting everyone.”

So DC Mike starts working his jaw at Garrett, and Wills says, for All of us: “If none of us get time to talk to Becca because of you two, I am going to lose my shit.”

But Other Becca pulls it together, hears a terrible poem from Garrett, has totally uninteresting words with Colton, hears Wills confess his love and say that it is terrifying. . . and then gives the date rose to Colton.  Wills is a bit taken aback, and we agree it would pretty much suck to make that announcement and then be passed over.

DC Mike has not taken the note: “I’m a fighter.  I don’t give up.  I always find a way to win. I’m not going to lose this battle.” We wonder if he ever listens to himself.  

At last the third date card comes, for Kenny G:  “The world is our oyster.” 

We appreciate Kenny G, who thinks they will have a good time no matter what happens, is cautiously curious about whether Other Becca can see a future with him, and takes it very well when Other Becca says she is mentally exhausted from the horrible group date.  Kenny G tells her not to feel pressure to feel “on a date” or have “fake fun” and just feel however she is feeling.   He also explains that he may seem like a caricature, but he actually is at a great place in his life to settle down, and he’s ready to do that.

Kenny G and Other Becca go out to gather oysters, and all we can think about is an article we read about ICE raids on the immigrant community that largely does this work and feeling rage.  We secretly wish Other Becca would take a moment to give Another Kind of History Lesson but she doesn’t.  Instead, she kisses Kenny G and tells him that he saw her “at her worst.”

Kenny G: “Seriously?  That’s your worst?   You’re just mildly not yourself.”

At dinner, Kenny G reveals that he never feels adequate in his father’s eyes.  Kenny G apparently was a big baseball player, but never well enough to play professionally, and since that was his thing with his dad, he always feels like he has failed him.  Other Becca tells him he is amazing and has “so many sides,” and he gets the rose.

This date ends at a Morgan Evans concert full of screaming women with iphones.  We conclude that Kenny G is a grown ass man, not dissimilar to Jason but probably less suited to Other Becca.  We secretly wish he would date Kendall from Season Ari.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the other men talk about how DC Mike is slowly becoming unhinged.   We, similarly, grow nervous as he slides on a watch, writes . . .what is it, a love note?  And Oh shit.  

When Kenny G comes home from his date, DC Mike slams out of the room.

Jason:  “I don’t know if DC Mike is going to go to Becca tonight.  But if he does, it’s going to be bad for him, bad for Becca.  I hope he’s able to put the wheels back on but I don’t know if he will.”

DC Mike, who is In Fact Going to Becca: “People need to acknowledge what kind of Monster Lincoln is.  The man eats 12 eggs a day.  His cholesterol has to be 6000.”

DC Mike continues his own internal game of brinksmanship as he knocks on Other Becca’s door.  Lo, for he has “nothing to lose” by showing Other Becca “his passion.” [This Author is now full on hearing Bonnie Tyler, who surely must be in DC Mike's head.  Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods?? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds??].  

He begins with a winning argument:  “For the last week and a half, there have been a lot of distractions and that has PREVENTED ME from talking about anything except those distractions.”

Other Becca visibly takes a mental pause upon hearing such nonsense.

But DC Mike presses on, implausibly insisting that he can see himself MARRYING her at the end, and then completely being unable to explain what got him to that point from being willing to storm out the door last week.  And then he cuts her off.  Repeatedly.    So Other Becca kicks him off the island.  And then DC Mike fights with her over whether she will walk him to the door.  Seriously. 

Other Becca:  “DC Mike is a very angry person, and is not someone I want in my life.  Ever.”

We see zero of DC Mike after that, or even the men’s reaction to his departure.  Instead, we jump straight to the rose ceremony.  We love Other Becca’s dress, which is long and confusing (in a good way) and sort of old timey, but cannot get a good picture of it.

 Joining Colton, Jason, and Kenny G with roses, Other Becca picks:

1. Garrett

2. The Cowboy

3.  Wills

Ooooo Connor and Lincoln go home.   Connor basically feels like crap.  But we haven’t liked him since he threw Lincoln’s photo in the pool 100 weeks ago, so Meh.

Stay tuned for next week when they go to . . . .THE BAHAMAS and basically every man freaks out.

KLo.