Other Becca Part 9: It's a Thai.

Babies, we are in Thailand.  Well, WE are not, but our friend KZi is currently living in Thailand in The Reals, and for a moment we hold a candle up in honor of her mad moped skillz and encouragement to visit places crazy unto This American.   We hate Other Becca, who interrupts our reverie with the comment:  “There is so much culture here.”  REALLY? 

Off we go to the Shangri-La hotel, where Other Becca drives up in a fancy golf cart and announces that she is “in love with” two men and “falling in love with” another.  This cannot be true.   Also, she is “really happy where she is with Garrett” and Jason is “wild and crazy” but with The Cowboy she feels “100% myself with him.  So basically, Jason is toast.  We don black.

Date #1 soon comes, with the Cowboy.  Other Becca does the monkey clip hug situation that continuously makes This Author worry she may Injure Her Husband upon Any Attempt. Lo, they will take the Monk’s Trail Hike, in which they can neither touch nor kiss.  

Ok, this is the part of the romance where our Heroine loses a contact and Our Hero leaps across the desk to deliver said contact unto our Heroine, or where someone Accidentally Overdoses on Laudanum, or also, where Our Heroine discovers that she is inadvertently married to the brother of her love, or alternatively, that her husband ran off with the Amish Wife of her current love interest (also Amish).  

Hypothetically, these may be books we have read.   But to the point:  We are entering the last 30 pages of the Romance Novel, babies.

The Cowboy and Other Becca pray with some monks about honesty, adaptation, patience, and giving. 
The Cowboy:  “Wow, he was so wise.  Like a REAL MONK.” 

Omg.

At dinner, we feel kindred with Other Becca because she reveals that she loves a thunderstorm.  Gentle Readers, It May Not Be Understated how much This Author loves a thunderstorm, and also, the Violent Rains.  

Less interestingly, The Cowboy is repetitively varying on the following theme:  “The Others Don’t Love Her Like I Do.  What if She Loves Them Though.” Repeat 10 x throughout this date.  We grow tired. 

We also continue to be confused by the references to The Cowboy’s past relationship, which Broke Him.  We seriously do not recall him saying anything about this until last week, and also, do not know why it is so important that we care about this now.  We realize that this makes us a bad person but we have had wines and also, cat pictures from SKhu and so it really cannot be helped.

We have more wines.

In the end, there is a great deal of kissing, Other Becca invites the Cowboy to the fantasy suite, she wakes up in full makeup complete with extensive false eyelashes, she dons denim shorts and shirt, and End Scene.

Next up: A Date with Jason.  If we were 28 years old, we would steal Jason’s pomade and also, pick him.  But more importantly, WHAT WHAT WHAT is Other Becca wearing.  There are ruffles.  And Weirdness.  And espadrilles.

Jason and Other Becca go to the market together, where they eat crickets and acquire a beach sarong to cover her lacey nakedness. “Hmmm.  Smokey.  Full bodied.”  Jason says about the crickets (not the sarong) and we love him more.

But then a crisis hits:  Other Becca makes a joke about their future life together and then suddenly freaks out because she cannot see them together.   WHAT.  Other Becca abandons Jason for A 

Lengthy Period as she tries to calm herself with a producer and repeats “I don’t know what to do”approximately 100 times.  This is, of course, code for Knowing Exactly What She Is Going To Do and Not Liking It.

We suddenly hate Other Becca, who “cannot shake the feeling” at dinner that ‘something is wrong.”  Meanwhile, Jason is super happy, focusing on the bigger picture, which includes Other Becca as a “best friend, a partner, a wife, a mother.”  He says  “that’s more than a rose – it’s a lifetime commitment.”  And we believe him.

And then, she dumps him.  Babies, she DUMPS HIM after excusing herself, claiming she cannot breathe, and then telling him that she does not “know what my problem is but I can’t put you through an overnight if it is not 100% there.”

We leap across the table, over wine glasses and also, Various Chocolates to tell Jason that he will be ok.  Meanwhile, Jason carefully is picking himself through the land mine of comments he wishes he could say to finally settle on stating that he would be “remiss” is he did not inquire as to whether she was confident in this decision.  She says she is NOT confident, to which he asks why she would not then take the additional time available to them to explore further, when there is “so much time to be had.”   She gives no answer, instead walking him out. 

Babies.  He says he appreciates her honesty, and that he will always be rooting for her happiness.

Team. Jason. FOREVER.

We hate Other Becca, who uselessly proclaims that she does not want Jason to “leave confused” after giving him no response to his questions whatsoever.   As Jason drives off in the limo stunned, we rage against Other Becca and her crying into pillows and her false eyelashes and denim shorts and attraction to half-wits with the bodies of nubile baseball players.

“What’s wrong with me??” Other Becca wails.  See supra, Other Becca.  SEE SUPRA.

Now it is the next morning and Other Becca has allegedly fallen asleep on the sofa.  Once again in full makeup.  We are supposed to be assured by her resolve that she “sees more” with Garrett and the Cowboy.

Finally, it is date #3 with Garrett.   We are treated to another monkey clip hug and kiss, followed by rafting through the jungle during a Thai national holiday.

There are A LOT of people.

There are rafts hitting each other, elephants in the river, women on cell phones, and people splashing.  Basically, this scene is the soundtrack of experience playing in the background of this Author’s life every time she attempts to buy pants for herself.  “Elephants in the River. That’s a NO today,” we whisper.

We are not sure what Other Becca talks about with Garrett because Cat Pictures but the main thing is that Other Becca feels “right’ with this relationship. She feels so right that she elects to wear hot pants and Belgian lace to dinner:

Wait.  The lace has LAPELS.

WTF.  

Garrett and Other Becca later have dinner amongst the pillows on an “oasis” in the lawn of a hotel.  

We find it difficult to put into words how much we hate Other Becca’s dress and also, this conversation, which generally consists of concurring that they had a “fun” day. 

“Going down the river was like navigating a relationship,” says Other Becca and we hate her.  Also, if that means elephants and Thai women on cell phones, we grow worried for Other Becca.  But Garrett gets serious, detailing each of the (very few) moments of significance in their relationship and confessing his prior fear of becoming engaged again.    In addition, as Other Becca expresses her fears about a lack of concrete answers, Garrett explains that he can take his career anywhere, and also that he LOVES HER and also, that he does not want to say that to anyone else again.  Ever.

We know that our heart should flutter but he is just so stupid.  Other Becca, however, is smitten:  “He doesn’t know it yet, but I feel the same way.”

But then this date takes a turn. Ok, really only for this viewer for lo, Garrett and Other Becca get to go to a TREE HOUSE for the overnight portion of this date.  This Author, who passionately loves Swiss Family Robinson with every fiber of her being, would ditch the date and hang out in the tree house ad infinitum.

But Other Becca wants Garrett, who is her “heart’s equal.”  Which is why she has decided to wear false eyelashes to bed yet again.

In the morning, Garrett and Other Becca eat breakfast on a rainy porch before she blows kisses as she walks away and Garrett declares he has not been this happy in his “entire life.”

Meh.

Because ABC needs some filler, Jason comes back on the scene.  YEEEESSS we love Jason (All of Us).  Other Becca has returned to her hotel room, where Jason appears to give a proper goodbye because things were so truncated previously.  He tries to compose himself, but starts to cry as he tells her that he loves her and  cares for her happiness, and that he was taken by surprise that he would be able to feel such feelings on this “unconventional journey.”

Other Becca declares that Jason is one of the best guys she has ever met, and that the world needs more Jasons.  YES IT DOES.  Though he should not be the next bachelor because we love him too much to wish that fate upon him.

After giving Other Becca a scrap book of their time together, Jason exits stage left and we all cry.  He tells us that this is never easy, but that he feels like he did the best he could.  OH!

At last, it is the end. Other Becca motorboats up to the Scene of the Rose Ceremony, which is beyond ridiculous.  After a bunch more filler conversation with Chris Harrison, Other Becca stands up and we realize she is wearing a Christmas Napkin:

She gives the roses to Garrett and the Cowboy, each of which are sucking in their teeth at the evident relationship of Other Becca with the other dude.  The Cowboy, for good measure, throws in a few more “She can’t have with Garrett what she has with me.”  Other Becca announces that we are next going to the Maldives, and it is all over as quickly as it began.

Stay tuned for next week, which is the Second Most Hated Episode, also called the Men Tell All.

Bisous.

KLo